I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
