Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
