Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize