friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
