his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
