Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
