Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
