I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
