What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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