So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
