My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize