I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
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