I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
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