if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
