no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
