dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
he thought i was a dude.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Randomize
