break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
