I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize