At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
