What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
