Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
