Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
