I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
