If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
