you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
