i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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