Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
