it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
