were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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