I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
whose ass print is on the piano?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
