all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
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