Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
