I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
