this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
two words: eviction party
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
