This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
