I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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