You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
When are your genitals available?
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
