I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
