Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
Randomize
