Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
