don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
