Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Randomize
