I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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