i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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