how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
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