Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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