I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
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