So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
