Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Randomize
