dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I didn't notice because vodka
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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