i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
