Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
