i already hear my dad disowning me
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
