Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
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