Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
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