How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I need a beard to bite.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
