I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
