There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Randomize
