i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you didnt know i had herpes?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
