i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
