when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Randomize
