Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
